The White Family
In June 2006, the Calgary economy was booming. Between May and October of 2006, home sellers were holding auctions and selling their homes in one day to the highest bidder – typically for more than the asking price. At the same time 28,000 low income people in Calgary were one pay cheque or one emergency away from Homelessness 1. Twyla White 2 was one of those people. At a time of unprecedented prosperity in Calgary – where vacancy rates were less than one percent and rents at a premium price – Twyla and her three children Denise (age 11), Darin (age 8) and Derrick (age 4) were looking for a place to live.
Imagine what it would be like. You have three children from three different fathers who may or may not be forthright with money to support them. That support is not money you can depend on. You do not have a job. If you can find a rental unit you require the first and last months rent and a damage deposit. This Calgary family has very few options.
Because Twyla grew up in a number of foster homes she has a very weak network of family or friends. Because she has no network she has little access to the skills she so desperately needs to fight for her family in this economic environment. She is honest, without addictions, has a huge heart, but no work experience to bolster her resilience. In a desperate attempt to find shelter for her family, Twyla hands over her last $1200 to a man who has befriended her and promises to secure a place to live. When she arrives at the home she finds it occupied. The man has disappeared, fully aware that he has just taken the last dollars from a family of four. Twyla and her three children are now homeless. 3
She seeks shelter with Inn from the Cold which means the family spends every night in a different church basement and the children attend a different school. Being bused throughout the city every day is exhausting for everyone, especially four year old Derrick and Twyla is finding it harder to cope. The family has slid into an environment where they are shoulder to shoulder with families dealing with physical abuse, child welfare interventions and/or substance abuse. Twyla's resilience and support network deteriorates yet again.
How children without poverty (CWP) Can Help
Twyla has just experienced what we refer to as Derailment - not derailment from her career but derailment from life. She feels drained of resilience resources to assist and support her family. The resilience resources CWP refers to are the 4 pillars that support 'building family resilience':
- Self Esteem Improving self confidence.
- Support Networks Bonding to natural support networks, friends and family, in a healthy way.
- Boundaries Creating healthy rules to protect the family.
- Family Ability Improving life skills, employment opportunities, academic achievement, and the practical application of what they already know.
When referred by Inn from the Cold, CWP offered to work with Twyla to help her build her resilience and care for her family. The three parties negotiated the terms for a mentorship agreement. CWP assigned Richelle Wilson to mentor the family - Twyla and Richelle started to identify the skills she would need to develop to become more resilient. The family continued to be supported by Inn from the Cold and work with their outreach worker there.
Filling the Mentoring Gap
CWP provided discretionary funds for items such as school fees, bus passes, a winter coat for Twyla and other necessary small items that could not be obtained from existing agencies or donations.
Mentoring began with Twyla and Richelle meeting every two weeks. Although it was a business arrangement the two women needed to build TRUST in order to be successful in their goals of building skills to build resilience and support the family. Twyla needed to believe that people could offer help she could count on and Richelle needed to trust that Twyla was not involved in substance abuse and was accurately describing her situation. The family head(s) needs to be fully present with their whole life in order to change direction on their life's derailment. This is KEY to success.
A Hand Up – Not a Hand Out
To ensure that Twyla and her children remain eligible for Calgary Low Cost Housing they had to stay with the Inn from the Cold program for five months. Offering the family a Hand Out of money to find accommodation would have made them dependent on CWP for rent. Instead, as winter approached, a Calgary condo owner stepped up to offer rental units to Inn from the Cold families for the cost of utilities. Twyla and her children received one of them. Eight months later Twyla and the kids found permanent placement in Calgary Low Cost Housing. In the meantime, Richelle continued to work with Twyla, offering her a Hand Up to improve her life skills and create a foundation for her family.
What did CWP do?
CWP helped Twyla build family resilience by using discretionary funds to give her access to items and services not covered by other agencies. This is just one way CWP addresses the resilience gap.
CWP Built the Family Resilience by:
Improving Self Esteem
- CWP works with a non-judgmental, accepting approach – Twyla is okay - we all make mistakes.
- Richelle and Twyla identified and strengthened the skills Twyla did have. Twyla is a wonderful mother and letting her know that was important. It provided a lot of validation for her to hear that from a mentor she trusted.
- Allowed her room to make her own decisions about her life and how to move forward.
- Providing suggestions, giving her ideas, and telling her stories from a perspective of success.
- Coaching her to identify what she wanted and what her goals were.
- Modeling how to ask for help in a way that maintains her dignity and self respect
- Building on the trust in the mentor relationship: friends help friends.
- Success builds more success: she is now considering further education next year and Twyla realizes she is capable of doing a number of jobs very well.
Building a Stronger Support Network
- The family's support network was enhanced with new skills that Twyla had no access to before working with CWP. Twyla learnt her support network can be people who have her best interest at heart.
- Twyla connected with her church pastor and has become involved in a church group.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
- Twyla found ways to use her heart to help others, without compromising her own family.
- Mentoring showed her that you can be a nice person while maintaining strong boundaries around what you will and won't do for others.
- Twyla learned that she does not have to pay for things in order to get someone to like her.
Building Family Support Skills
- Creating a household expenses and income model provided a clear picture of debt load. This allowed Twyla to clearly understand how her career choices could support her family.
- Following the budget discussion an education and career aspirations discussion took place. Twyla learnt how she could work towards realizing her dreams of running a day care business while keeping her family safe and financially secure.
- Twyla has a good deal of common sense and family ability - she pays down her debt $30 at a time, if that is all she can spare. She believes strongly in her children's education and saves in RESP's for them. She believes that her children need to learn certain skills in order to be successful in life. Swimming lessons and education are important to her for her children. CWP has reinforced those beliefs for her.
- CWP provided 'a hand up' through assistance with one time discretionary funds – it was made clear that the funds are not for continuing expenses. CWP contributed to her rent for two months, paid $600 school fees, bought boots and winter coats for the kids, occasional bus passes, swimming and dance classes for Denise (these classes are important for Denise to learn with others her age in the community). CWP also assisted to find second hand, a washer/dryer, dresser and bunk beds (rather than using family income for new items).
Where the family is today:
- Twyla feels her resilience has increased a great deal
- She is working and her previous debt has been paid
- The family has a safe home and the rent is paid monthly
- Twyla is looking at secondary education options and planning for the future
- A savings fund is started for the purchase of a family home
- Richelle continues a friendship with Twyla
- Denise is now 12, continues to receive support, teaching and fun experiences with Richelle.